Empty

she brought me to a place
where i couldn’t think
and she counted my days
by the number of times i tried
to fall asleep

in a place where
the sun rises before you can dream
to drag people from their beds
and bring them to their desks
while i remain asleep

and when heat creeps in
to wake me up
i realize how bad it is
i realize how good it was;
i fall back to my dreams

“there are things to do, son
we will remind you of it, son
you cannot run away from it
unless you die because of it
we’ve come to end your dreams”

i clung to my pillows
i clung to my sheets
until they dragged me through my door
and stood me on my feet
“you cannot run away

you cannot run away
you can come back in
but there’s no running away
there are no places to run to
near nor faraway”

i let myself be dragged
i forced myself to sleep
and i sought revenged against her
by counting her days away
every time she leaves

she will never die out, i know
i never gave up, she knows
but then i lost count
and so did she
it’s almost time to leave

Beautiful

have you tried lining your shoes outside your balcony door and glanced at them at one point and found them beautiful simply because they are outside, you’re not wearing them and they’re yours?

how beautiful is it that you can call something yours, like those towels that are hanging outside my balcony door, on those plastic chains i bought for a hundred yen each. they’re white. they’re ordinary

but they’re beautiful. like when i lean out of my balcony window and see the world beyond the four narrow walls of my tiny room at night, it’s dark and it’s endless and it’s beautiful, i wish i belonged to it but i don’t

the same way that i don’t belong to you because i am too ordinary and it seems to me that i am the only person in this world who finds what’s ordinary is beautiful because i am ordinary. i want to be beautiful, too.

and at the same time too, it would be beautiful if i could call you my own. beautiful for me, and beautiful for you. so that i do not have to want to belong to the endlessness of the night when no one else wants me to be their own.